Common misconceptions #1
Everything you do has to feel good..
Let’s just say most people may already know this is a misconception. But for people like me — people who grew up feeling misplaced, unseen, never challenged, or never part of a club, team, or community — I had no concept of understanding that hard work and discomfort often lead to the most rewarding things in life.
At one point, I truly believed that everything you did and everyone around you had to make you feel good. Looking back, I think that’s why I was so lost and confused for such a long time. The moment discomfort showed up, I was ready to stop whatever I was doing or distance myself from whoever made me feel some type of way instead of challenging myself, the situation, or the person.
No one ever taught me to go hard after the things I wanted in life. I had never seen it modeled in a way I understood. And if there were people around me who understood this concept, I never realized that struggle, discipline, and discomfort were part of the process.
For me, envy or jealousy was never about material things. It was about how brave people were to join teams, how vivacious they seemed in their friend groups, how illuminating they looked walking down the hallway alone and smiling. I admired how determined people were when they knew they wanted to go to college, knew what they wanted to pursue, and were willing to do whatever it took to get the job done — whatever that “job” was.
I internalized so much. I kept so many things to myself. I limited myself for years because of a lack of knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of life. For a long time, I was my own worst enemy. The Bible says “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…” — Hosea 4:6
If I had known that trials and tribulations were part of life, part of growth, part of greatness, and part of my story, I would’ve given myself grace a long time ago.
If I had a closer relationship with God and understood that I could give Him my burdens, fears, and worries while continuing to push forward, I could’ve saved myself from a lot of unnecessary pain.
Don’t get me wrong — life still would’ve happened. There still would’ve been struggles, disappointment, heartbreak, and confusion. But the lack of wisdom, experience, and perspective kept me stuck far longer than necessary.
When you listen to the stories of many successful people, almost all of them speak about overcoming failure, rejection, pain, and setbacks to get where they are. Although I don’t idolize anyone, I do admire people’s journeys and their willingness to push through. I admire people who focus on the bigger picture instead of allowing temporary distractions, temporary feelings, or temporary people to stop them from becoming who they’re trying to be.
They understand that failure is part of the journey. Discomfort is part of life. Struggle is part of growth. Without pressure, they wouldn’t become who they are.
There are people who have been through far more than I have, and this isn’t to minimize my own experiences or emotions. But if I had understood sooner that heartbreak was necessary, denial was necessary, and failure was inevitable, I could’ve saved myself a lot of wasted time.
Eventually, I realized that whenever you think long-term about a job, friendship, relationship, or any meaningful commitment, the difficult moments are often what shape you into a better employee, friend, partner, or person. Instead of running from discomfort, you begin to understand that some things are worth being temporarily uncomfortable for. Some things are worth fighting for.
And if you truly want something to last, you have to accept that you won’t always get your way.
There will be moments when you cry, feel confused, get frustrated, or even want to quit. But anything worth having is worth fighting for, and temporary feelings should never determine long-term goals or meaningful people.
Unfortunately, I had to learn that the hard way.
But fortunately… I learned it at all.
